Trump ‘willing to learn about walls’ in Scotland

  • US President also ‘happy to share US barrier technology’ with Scots

US President Domhnall Iain Trump is “willing to learn” about walls in Scotland, according to White House sources – but is also happy to “share US barrier technology” should a hard border with England mean the  construction of a fence following BREXIT (Britain’s departure from the European Union) and SEXIT (Scotland’s departure from the United Kingdom).

The Scottish Reportage understands that during the forthcoming state visit to the UK by the President,  trips have been proposed to Hadrian’s Wall, the Antonine Wall – both Roman attempts to prevent the Pictish hordes from learning about central heating and mosaic-making – and ‘Big” Calum Angus MacDonald’s dry stane dyke (topped with breezeblocks and with a bit of chickenwire to fill the gaps) on his croft  in Back, Lewis.

 Hadrian’s Wall is in England and there is little of the Antonine Wall, which runs from the Clyde to the Forth, to see. It is thought a possible inspection of Alan Tompkin’s home-made wooden-slatted back garden fence in Ormiston Avenue Bishopbriggs, may not go ahead due to  security concerns.

“To quote the beloved poet Robert Lowell Frost, ‘Something there is that loves a wall,” said a White House spokesperson. “Our President is sure he can learn much about barrier building from his mother’s native Scotland, and he’s bringing a couple of the top electrical and razor wire consultants in southern California to see if they can learn anything from them Romans – or maybe even teach them a thing or two. Though President Trump is also hoping to meet Adrian and Anthony after he’s played golf with the Queen, or Adele, or that great Scot Rory McIlroy.”

A spokeswoman for the top pop diva said she was “unsure” if Adele played golf, though she was “almost certain” that Mr McIlroy did. “Though he may be Welsh.”

Asked if an independent Scotland was something the President was in favour of, the spokesperson said: “He’s a big BREXIT fan. As for SEXIT, to be frank he’s still feeling his way on the matter.”

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